The February ODA session, Intentional Listening: Utilising Intentional Listening to increase Collaboration and Connection in the Workplace, was a practical reset on something we all say we do — and then, under pressure, often do poorly.
Jenna and John De Bono (GroupWise) framed intentional listening as bringing attention + intention to what someone is saying and how they’re feeling, particularly in busy environments where we’re tempted to jump in, defend, fix, or “just get on with it”.
Participants reflected in breakout rooms on what shifts when we feel fully heard (connection, validation, respect, feeling less alone), and what tends to happen when we don’t (shutdown, defensiveness, tension in the body, or simply wanting to escape the conversation).
Jenna unpacked three listening “modes” we often move between:
- Active listening: curiosity and clarification — checking assumptions, asking questions, and prioritising understanding over problem-solving.
- Reflective listening: paraphrasing and summarising — “What I heard you say was…” and naming emotions in a light-touch way (“I’m noticing you seem frustrated — is that right?”), without deepening the story or blaming.
- Solution-focused listening: practical problem-solving — useful, but often overused (especially in leadership), and usually works best after active and reflective listening have created clarity and rapport.
A separate thread was about self-disclosure and when it was useful: Does it build rapport or have you just moved the conversation onto yourself and away from the speaker, again leaving them unheard?
The most engaging portion was watching Jenna and John role-playing two versions of a manager conversation about the need of a staff member to take time off to attend medical appointments.
Version 1 went straight to logistics (medical certificate) and felt abrupt.
Version 2 slowed down: it made space for emotion, offered choice (“you can share more, and it’s okay if you don’t”), reflected back what was heard, and only then moved into practical steps — including setting a check-in rather than relying on a vague “let me know”.
For ODA practitioners, the pointers were clear (and a bit confronting): identify your default pattern (solution mode, impatience, information overload, “noisy ego”, personal stress, time pressure) so you can interrupt it, and weave active + reflective listening before going to solutions.
The conclusion was both comforting and mildly annoying (which usually means it’s true): intentional listening takes longer in the moment — yet it pays off by reducing miscommunication, strengthening trust, and building psychological safety, so people can speak honestly, be met well, and stay connected even when the conversation is hard.
~ Cris Popp, ODA member
ODA members, note: A recording of John and Jenna’s session is available to you via the membership portal; just log on to the ODA website. Another great reason to be an ODA member! Join now!